Falling in Love with Myself All Over Again

The HEALTHY Kind of Narcissism...

CNN recently did an article on sologamy, or the practice of marrying oneself. The general tone of the article was that sologamy was a good thing. One therapist interviewed in the article even referred to it as “healthy narcissism” and purported that without self-love, we depend on others for our value and worth, which is harmful. It also mentioned that a self-marriage was a restart, and one person that went through it said that they felt that they were “enough.” They didn’t have to marry someone else to be whole. 

The ultimate argument throughout the article was that marrying yourself and loving yourself breaks you free of people pleasing. It helps you to be satisfied, helps you to be content with who you are and where you are, and raises your self-esteem. Sologamy promotes the idea that you can have a satisfying, meaningful life without a partner. That your happiness doesn't come from your spouse. That another human can't make you happy, and you can’t depend on somebody else to make you happy.

Now, our happiness shouldn’t be dependent on who we marry. But, it's also kind of funny because all of the supposed benefits of sologamy are actually benefits that can only be found in a relationship with Christ. We have true confidence. We know that we are loved. We know that we can be who we are meant to be. We know that we don't have to depend on others for our happiness and that it's found in Christ alone. That our worth and value are found in Christ. That we can have a satisfying and meaningful life without a spouse. That we have a restart through Christ.

The world wants to act like it has discovered some hidden wisdom. But it hasn’t. It has just twisted the truth into something false. Self-love is just as damaging as people-pleasing. It doesn’t lead to happiness but to emptiness. It doesn't take any work to be selfish. It doesn't take any work to be fixated on ourselves. It doesn't take any work to love ourselves above others. It may appear to cure an emptiness or lack of confidence for a moment in time. But just like everything else, it will eventually fail us.

The sad thing is that the women in this article realized their happiness is not found in another person. They come so close to knowing the truth (that true happiness is found only in Christ) but don’t quite grasp it. Instead, they waste money on a spectacle and spiral back down into the cycle of self-worship that they have been caught up in since birth. 

But maybe the good thing that will come out of this is some who read the article will see the hypocrisy. That they open their minds to the possibility that there is a greater adventure, a greater journey, a greater experience, more exhilarating, and more life-giving than anything they’ve ever known. That this grand adventure is not found in discovering yourself, being true to yourself, or anything that depends on us. Because all of these things invariably lead back to the cause of all our problems, ourselves. No, the search to find joy, happiness, worth, value, and fulfillment will always disappoint without Christ at the center. A million different self-focused adventures will always lead to the same empty place, and the practice of sologamy is just another one of them.

I remember when my wife and I first talked about getting married, and she told me that she would never make me happy. I didn’t understand what she meant. The world told me that the person you are with would make you happy. But really, what she was telling me is that true happiness is found in Christ alone. This is something that Christians with a strong relationship with Christ know. One that I came to know as a result of having a strong Christian wife.

Thank you, Lord, for these crazy times we live in and these crazy practices we're seeing because through these false ideologies, we also are given an opportunity to see the truth in a new light. We are given an opportunity to glorify you in new ways. May more eyes be open to your truth, beauty, goodness, love, and everything else that you are as a result. May all the glory be to you, in Jesus' name. Amen.